From my Heart...
From my Heart….
Letting Go to Grow
January 2024 we (Hubby, the kiddos and I) went on a family vacation to Kauai…… This Island changed our lives in ways I never imagined it would and I know these changes are rippling out into the future of each one of us.
I will start at the very beginning ... .This is a trip of a lifetime. Kauai has been calling me for a few years now, since seeing a friend of mine post pics and share stories of her time there. The moment I saw her first post on facebook, I said YES! I’ll have that toooooooo! I knew one day we would be there, but I didn't set a time - I was open to anytime. In the beginning of “Actualizing” this vacation I spent time daydreaming about what it would be like. I looked at all my friends' pictures, read about her adventures and fell in love with this island through her eyes.
Next I started talking about it to Hubby. He was his usual ogre self about vacations. “I don't want to go, I don’t want to sit on an airplane for that long, It’s going to be too hot, the sun will be too bright, I have to stay home and feed my cows.” I just did what I usually do, and I paid it no attention. I kept researching the island, looking at all the pics I could find on google, researching the cost of flights and accommodations etc….. I knew we needed to have things booked and lined up quite a ways in advance. Early in 2023 I reached out to my friend and asked if I could pick her brain about Kauai. She was so generous with her time and the information she shared, her love for this island was palpable, it was exciting! Armed with knowledge from my friend I knew what locations of the island would be great to stay in. I started looking on Air bnb for a condo. I had a list of very specific requirements that I was sticking to…. Even though I knew that the cost would be more, I wasn’t settling.
1. I wanted to see the ocean from the balcony
- A pool to enjoy (just in case we couldn’t swim in the ocean)
- 2-3 bedrooms with one king bed and 2 other beds for the kiddos
- 2 bathrooms
I started my search and got an idea of cost…. I got a sense of what we need to save for flights and accommodations and then I started putting money aside each week towards this vacation. FOR ME, this action creates hugely! Even if some of the weeks it was only $10 or $20… it's still a choice (actively choosing it) and choice creates!
I had our Air bnb booked for the summer of 2023 and then came the flights.
I realized that everyone's passport needed to be renewed (except mine, lol). The good news was that they hadn’t expired yet and my awareness told me that it would be fine to do a renewal by mail.
I printed all the forms out at harvest time (sept 2023), my mom took the kids to get their passport photos taken and I had their renewals all filled out and sent in the beginning of october-ish.
NOWWWWW remember hubby, well he still kinda had his little “attitude” about travel. Before I Booked the flights I looked at him and said “Are you coming or not? We are going.” He lightened up and said yes, he would like to join us.
His passport expired very close to when we traveled home, I had a renewal printed out for him. I filled out what I could and the rest was up to him.
The kids passports came back by the beginning of november - Fasntastic!
Travis FINALLY got his passport pics done and filled out - ready to be sent at the beginning of november.
Our flight was January 27.
I checked in energetically, it was light to go with mail, I felt confident it would be back in december and we would be good to go.
I mailed his passport application.
The beginning of December I got a parcel card in our mailbox. It was a Thursday at noon, I was heading out to teach lessons. It didn’t feel like I had to hang around and get this parcel so I just left, thinking I’d be back next week to pick it up.
Meanwhile vacation planning is happening, we are all excited about the different tours we would like to go on…. We have made arrangements with friends to do their chores in the beginning of January when they are going on vacation and they will do ours when we are gone…. It’s all coming together!
The next week I picked up the parcel, it was a passport envelope - FANTASTIC! And then to my disappointment we forgot to put down hubbys height on the application - They sent back the application - OMG - Seriously?! OK! Got that filled out and the next day, I sent the application in “express post”. Again, I did check in energetically, the energy was lighter to mail it… we still had 7 weeks to travel date - All good!
UNTIL…. The middle of January and nothing has come back yet. I checked online and the credit card had been billed for the passport application at the beginning of January, it should be here any day.
Hubby is starting to doubt it. He starts making these comments of “Well I guess I really won’t be going to Kauai ... .don't worry I will just stay home do chores….” On and on he goes.
Something within me KNEW he would be coming, the passport would be here.
It was only a week now before we were due to leave, I go get the mail, no passport. OK! Now we need to take some action. I call the passport office early morning on friday, one week before we leave. I get through and ask the agent about my husband's passport. Of course she needs to speak to him. I go down and get him out of bed, she has to ask him verification questions. It was about his birth certificate…. He answered incorrectly and she said “I’m sorry sir, I don't have anything here for you” I replied back WAIT! Let me get your birth certificate…. He got frustrated and just hung up.
I realized at that moment that there was nothing I could do to help him with this. He has to decide for himself that he REALLY WANTS TO COME and take the action necessary OR sit back, be mad, be a victim to the external circumstances. I CANNOT CHOOSE THIS FOR HIM.
He got frustrated with me and said we shouldn't have mailed it, I said he should have gotten it done earlier… We started the blame game - which never creates anything and literally just makes us mad at eachother. I stopped it, I looked him in the eye again and said “Maybe you will realize exactly how powerful your words are. You ALWAYS say how holidays are dumb, how you would rather stay home, NOW that’s what is actually showing up for you. You should be happy because that’s what you say you want.”
There was no comment from him.
We didn't talk too much that day or the next. He sat where he was at and I let it be.
Then I could sense a softening, something was changing with him. He was no longer mad, or angry. He actually seemed vulnerable and asked me what would I do if he really couldn't come?
I had been thinking about it, and I said I would invite my mom. His plane ticket was not transferable BUT she could still get a new flight the next day and be down there with us.
Together we faced one possibility that could actually occur.
THEN he chose it! Energetically I could feel him dig in. He proceeded AS IF He was coming with us… Meaning he still had our neighbors coming to show them about chores. He quit making the comments about staying home, he actually looked at what he had for holiday clothes…. HE CHOSE IT!
Early Monday morning he called the passport office, told them what was going on. Speaker phone was on and I was there too. The lady on the line said YES she could see his application but the passport would not arrive to us until the beginning of feb. I could see hubby’s face fall, I jumped in and said “Is there anything we can do? To get a passport by Friday morning? That's one week - surely there’s something”
She said “just wait there might be one thing….”
We waited on hold - She got back on the line and told us that his application could be fwd to Saskatoon. They could issue a passport there that could possibly be ready to pick up on Thursday. OH MY! Our fingers were crossed. She said the Saskatoon office would call him Tuesday, if we didn’t hear from them by Tuesday at 3:00pm we were to call her back.
THERE WAS ONE THING, Hubby had an appointment for a root canal to be done Thursday at 2:00pm….. This tooth had started bothering him the week before, He wanted to get this done before we traveled. I immediately called the dentist's office and asked about a different appointment. They could bump him up to Thursday morning and he would be done by Thursday at noon. That would give us time to get to the passport office in Saskatoon (about 3 hrs away) to pick up his passport before they close at 4:00pm.
Tuesday morning Hubby got the call from the Saskatoon passport office, his passport would be ready to pick up Thursday. They scheduled him an appointment for 3:30pm.
I knew he couldn’t do this on his own, I had other plans Thursday, which I canceled and said “I will be with you Thursday, I can drive from Lloydminster (where the dentist appointment was) to Saskatoon”.
Then I prayed that the weather would cooperate, that everything truly would line up for his passport to come through. “I can see he’s getting it, I will make sure the message is received and I am getting it”.
Thursday morning was a beautiful winter day, everything lined up! We left Lloydminster at 12:00pm, we had an uneventful drive to Saskatoon and pulled into the Parking lot at the passport office at 3:00pm. PERFECT! I could see on Hubby’s face he was actually excited! We made it, He made it and it was so close!
We got in line, which was LONG! I’m not gonna lie. I doubted it abit again and worried we may not get to the front in time - BUT - we did have an appointment. We got a number, told the lady we had an appointment at 3:30. She checked us in and we were called up to a booth within 10 mins.
Hubby said his name and that he was here to pick up his passport. The clerk went to the back office area, came back and said she was sorry she didn't see a passport for him to pick up there. Devastation HIT! Literally 10 secs after she tells us that (which felt like an eternity) a different lady walked by, looked over and said his name! “I have your passport here!” HOLY RELIEF!
WOW!
We got his passport!
We called the kids, they were so excited, everyone was excited, I honestly don’t think I ever saw hubby SO HAPPY and relieved at the same time.
Before we started the drive home, we stopped to celebrate with a delicious meal at one of our favorite restaurants in the city, Moxies. We had a recap conversation (I made sure to hold up my end of the bargain “I will make sure the message is received”) about the power that a person’s words carry “Be careful what you wish for, as it may come true” & “Don’t say things you really don’t mean”. He got it.
On the drive home, I ruminated on my message.
I cannot choose for other people.
I only have the power to choose for myself.
Once a person makes a choice, only then can you contribute to and support them.
I got it so clearly.
I had to let go of trying to control other people, of power over.
I had to let him choose and let go of telling him what to do (what I thought he should do)
I could see how BEFORE this realization / message / awareness, whatever you would like to call it - before I got this - I would see that a really great thing could happen for a person if only they would “Do this” and then, for the people I loved and cared for, I would DO THAT for them. Of course then the creation isn’t as great, WHY? Because they are not choosing it!
I could actually see how disempowering that is AND how empowering it is to let people choose, whatever they choose, and contribute (not do things for them) from there.
This was a HUGE Ah-Ha for me <3
I know that our trip to Kauai was SO amazing, because HE chose it with us, We all chose it together.
He had to LET GO to his victim story, he has to let go that he couldn’t leave the farm because of his cows, he had to let go of some old beliefs that he lived from, that no longer served him. He saw the magic lineup for him. He recognized the power of his choice and grown so much since this event.
This was only the beginning of the magic that was set in motion…. This experience clearly showed me that there is an unseen force of energy at work, behind the scenes, in our lives. Call this "the universe, god, spirit, karma, destiny, yaweh, Ganesh"..... whatever works for you. The name doesn't matter - what matters is our ability to work with this force, and to allow this force to work through us. Our words and our choices will dictate how this shows up in our lives......
If you’d like to see Kauai through our experience, I posted a little travel diary including pics and little writeup on my Facebook Profile as a public post. Click each day to check it out.
DAY 1
DAY 2
DAY 3
DAY 4
DAY 5
DAY 6
DAY 7
✨ Grateful for you ✨
Have an amazing day, wherever you are, whatever you are up to....
What can you let go of today?!
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